National Poetry Day 1/10/2020

 I am thine, thou art mine,

Of that be thou assured.

Thou art locked up within my heart

And lost is the little key.

ANON 

German, 11th century

Cheer up and don't despondent be

We've tasks we must fulfill;

Remember that behind the clouds

The Sun is shining still.

Ethel M Urry, 1921

Sent by my student Julie C.

July 21

Since I last blogged I have been edging out gradually and my world is expanding a little.

I have been to the hairdresser ,Jacelyn, and had a cut and blow dry. I felt very safe the place was clean and tidy all my things were put into a plastic bag and I had to use hand sanitiser and sign in.It was fantastic to be somewhere normal again and great ti have my hair cut it felt great.

My first trip to the shops was to the wee paper shop on Smithdown  Road where I used to get John's Guardian. I bought a pint of milk and paid with contactless I was the only person in the shop and it felt good to do it.

I then went to the Tesco on the corner and bought a few things including flowers for myself. It was all good, the screens seem  safe for the staff and I wore my mask.One day when I was walking in the park I decided to go to the co-op on Lark Lane for some sesame seeds . I could not get them online of locally, they did not have them either.But it got me into another shop and that felt ok too. Today I went to Asda to get a print made from my phone and while I was there I did some shopping.I am getting braver and braver as time goes on. I am careful but taking a few more risks.

I was happy that Mersey Ferries used some pictures on our wedding pictures in their social media sights, it was lovely to see the pictures there with a little bit of our wedding day story. And it was lovely to read about another two couples who had their weddings on the ferry. too

It is good to be thinking and talking about things other than Covid 19; and Brexit which I notice is creeping back into the news.

I would have been arriving back in Liverpool after two months in Castalla on July 8th but sadly due to covid, I was not able to go at all. I was coming back earlier that usual to celebrate my son Andrew's 50th birthday with him and Lucy , but again due  to to covid, celebrations  had to be postponed.

I had another meal with Andrew and Lucy in Woolton ,this time I took all the food with me and we had another great night together. It was not until Andrew was bringing me home on the Sunday that I realised that they can come to my house if they are in my safe bubble. I really thought that it was only me that could visit them :)

I am still counselling on the phone and I can hear from clients how difficult the lockdown is for them I think mental health issues are and will continue to rise due to this very difficult time on our planet.

I have no confidence in our government or the USA government.I listen to in depth analysis programmes on Radio 4 and have realised that once I have the information I have to take responsibility for myself. That is what has given me the courage to go out more.

My cleaner is back working and it is lovely to have her back again, I love going out for a few hours and coming home to a lovely clean house. Another sign of things returning to normal.

I have been receiving lots of deliveries of the gifts that I ordered for Andrew's birthday. The last one, one I thought I could not get as it was out of stock in a few shops, became available a few days ago and it has made me very happy.
My  main gift, sadly could not be got for Andrew, due to Covid, but maybe in time it will be possible.

I am looking forward to this weekend and seeing Andrew on his 50th birthday and I will celebrate too ,being a mum for 50 years :)



"Breathe darling, this is just a chapter ,not the whole story."

July 5th 2020

So here we are in July, I find it hard to take in. When I hear someone mention the month I feel a bit startled  as it feels like February or March.

I AM MAKING A LOT OF SODA BREAD WHICH I AM REALLY ENJOYING. As are Andrew and Lucy. I am still getting Asda delivery easier and my friends continue to bring me day to day things like milk and fresh veggies.

Janet , brought me more flour and icing sugar she is a real help to me as I love baking , mostly for other people.

My highlight since I last blogged. was to visit Andrew and Lucy to see all the work that they have done in their lovely home.

it was a wonderful weekend. Andrew collected me and we sat in the garden  in the beautiful sunshine and drank some wine.


The garden looks well with the new wall to hide the bins and the beautiful whiskey barrel to collect water and the new garden furniture. The hallway had beed beautifully decorated in a very classy deep green paint below the daydo and a much lighted grey/cream above. Lots of features which reflect their taste so well.

I love the new rope handrail in the attic space, and the plants in the backyard.

We had lovely food and wine and lots of chat and a wonderful catch up, even went into the yard later to see the lights and lantern out there.

We ended the evening with a West Wing episode then we all went to bed.

In the morning, we had breakfast of veggie sausages, then as they did the crossword with Phil and Philip, I had a shower. I was able to have a nice catch up with Philip after my shower as Andrew got ready to bring me home. all in all a wonderful life enhancing experience.

I went to the doctor on Monday morning to have my bloods done and that was another new, since lockdown experience. I did not recognise my lovely Dt Kate she was dressed up like a space woman,

It was an ok experience ,if strange , something we all took for granted just  twelve weeks ago, was a bit scary. I then walked to Woolton in the afternoon to see my dentist, also a bit strange but in the end ok.  I went to Andrew and Lucy afterward, as they are in my bubble. I watched an episode of Succession then Andrew very kindly brought me home.

In one weekend my behaviour had changed and it was all good .Yet when I was home again on the Monday evening in my bubble I felt safe and wanted to stay here. I am not happy about that, I simply notice that is how it is.

I had a lovely Zoom chat with Pilar in Finland, and that was a first for us, we usually meet up in Leeds when she is home or we see each other in Castalla. I miss not being there this year.

My cleaner Carmen has started back now. That is great stuff, that little bit of help once a fortnight, gives me a lift.

I met Tony in Green bank Park and we had a flask with coffee and sat on our coats on the grass and had a good catch up.

I have loved David Olusoga 's programmes on BBC2 about Black British History; he is wonderful

I hope that the next time I blog ,that I will have had my haircut :)

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.

June 15th

It's two weeks since I last blogged, a lot has happened in the world in that time.

Covid 19 continues to thrive in some countries and in others like New Zealand it has gone ;there have been no deaths for a few weeks. Life for those people is back to normal, schools opened, shops ,pubs cafes and cinemas are all enjoying normality.

On a sadder note a young man George Floyd was shot and murdered by a policeman in America and it has had reactions all over the world. Black Lives Matter is a phrase you hear all the time now, many people have broken the lockdown "rules" and been out marching and gathering in squares all over the world.

I am in my little bubble here in Ullet Road and it is disturbing to hear what is really going on in the world, in hospitals care homes etc. I have not been to a shop since March. I hear that people are sometimes not following the guidelines and that worries me. I am lucky that I have many friends that do my shopping for me. I have a friends hub at my window and people come for coffee and a chat.

I make cakes for the elderly around me ( older than me at almost 72) I have a few pro bono clients , it is what I can do to help the world go round in this strange time.

I can now easily get an online grocery orders delivered within a week, this is new.


I have always found it easy to get non essential online orders delivered , essentials for me, candles, incense, fairy lights, summer dresses.

Birthday gifts and cards all easy to come by.

I enjoy zoom chats with my sisters each week, and my brother and his wife most weeekends.

We have a new conductor and The Liverpool Philharmonic; Domingo Hindoyan , he is young handsome dynamic, we will be in safe hands, I will of course miss Vasily Petrenko .

The most exciting thing for me personally is that people who live alone , like me ,are now allowed to choose another household to be in a safely bubble with. this means you can visit the home, no social distancing , hugging is allowed and you can stay overnight. Hip Hip Hooray.

I have already met up with Andrew and Lucy in Calderstone Park ,had a big hugs and did a lot of touching. It was awesome . i felt as high as a kite all day after I saw them.

This weekend, Andrew will collect me to take me over to Woolton where we will have food and wine and I will stay over night , Andrew will bring me home the next day. I feel so happy and very fortunate that I can now do this.

Today in England the non essential shops are opened .I have seen videos on facebook of long lines of people outside many shops,.I don't miss shopping at all.Not going out to shop that is, I have shopped online.

The weather has been a blessing during lockdown , warm and sunny with blue skies. We had a cooler few days with thunder and lightening and it has been a big clammy too. But it looks like we are getting the nice weather back again.

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.

Last day of May

We are still in lockdown, there has been some easing up, we can meet some people out doors, we can meet some in our garden, some shops are opening up, there is a conflict about if and when schools go back. I cannot keep up any interest in any of it now.I believe that whatever the government tell us,  we have to take responsibility for ourselves.

There have been a good few highlights since I last wrote this blog.

I have treated myself to some new things, enjoyed a bit of retail therapy.

I bought two small round coffee tables ,two small cushions one large cushion, and a throw, all in the same design as the cushion Jackie gave me for my 70th birthday.

I have bought three pairs of cotton trousers and new underwear.  I got a jigsaw puzzle of Inveraray Castle on ebay for Andrew and Lucy and two old Inveraray postcards for myself. Reading the messages on the cards is really touching and I love seeing the old stamps.

I sent large bars of chocolate, and notes on cards, to each  the Cambridge and London grandchildren.

I found on Ebay ; Thomasina by Paul Gallico. I ordered it for myself.I had a copy that John gave me that belonged to his beloved Mother. Reading it was like a balm for me when I was going through a tough time . It is set in a made up Scottish village, but to me it is and always will be Inveraray.

I took the book to David last year when I went to visit him in Pasadena.I don't know if he will read it, but he was definitely pleased and touched to have something of his grandmothers.

It is a very old book the pages are turing brown and the spine is falling off, but it was precious to John and me and now David.

I ordered the new one on ebay but was not sure what would come as there was no picture available.

Imagine my surprise and delight when an exact copy of the one that I took to David
came through the post. I smile each time I look at it and look forward to reading it again.

I am waiting for two sundresses to arrive, and that will be me finished, very satisfied with all my purchases.

I have loved my weekly zooms, with Matthew and Marie, sometimes just the three of us, sometimes with other family members, yesterday it was so good to have Philip with us on Zoom. Along with Andrew ,Lucy ,Scott, Greg and Sandra.

I enjoy the Monday sisters Zoom too.

Tony came past last week , we usually have a chat at the window, this time we sat distantly in the garden, it was nice.

Stef came and took a picture of me in the garden,  it is part of a project of hers to get pictures of all her local friends wearing an outfit they can't wait to wear when lockdown is over. I chose the dress I have bought to celebrate being a mum for 5o years, hopefully one they day and with Andrew.

This week I had my first ,meet a friend in the park, moment. I met Tony at The Mystery we sat on a fallen tree one at each end.I took two small flasks of coffee,  and some biscuits, we enjoyed the coffee and  a passing dog helped itself to the biscuits.

I enjoyed joining in a quiz with Andrew and Lucy on Thursday evening. We did not win , but it is a nice way to spend an evening.

I am missing my Zoom choir .Su is having technical problems, we are all in touch on whatapp. I hear how folk are, but the singing is therapeutic.

I sing along with favourite songs most days as Su says use it or use it.

I also do the slosh most days after Jane Fonda. I am really getting the hang of it now.


I miss Pasty, Kev, Sue Margaret. Pete and Jenny ;unfortunately they are all too far away to meet in the park.

Day'll come hen, as my much loved Granda always said.

I am still happily counselling on the phone and I have now taken part in a Zoom counselling session and supervision session.

I am enjoying listening to Radio 4, love Jackie Kay's poems for lockdown. I love hearing how creative the arts are being; each museum ,art gallery, theatre finding ways to keep in touch and entertain us.

I hope against hope they will all get funding to keep each and every one of them afloat.

The world outside of my bubble seeps in , the nightmare of covid and the deaths, the tragic death of a young black man in USA and the riots that have followed, the worry about Hong Kong.The worry about the economy.

I  do all I can to stay positive with an open loving heart .I am trying out new recipes , I made some pickled red cabbage yesterday and humous and rocky road and soda bread today. it is good for my soul.

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well

May 19

it is a while since I have blogged.

I have had awful toothache, been on antibiotics, recovered from that and I am now out the other side.

I could not see a dentist ; it was a phone call and a toss up between an extraction ,the only dental option, and antibiotics.

It was a beautiful week the week I was on the meds. I did not feel well enough to go out at all.

Since then I have enjoyed my work which is increasing . I think due to Lock down. It is very tough for all of us but some more than others.

I have contributed to a podcast that my daughter in law is making . She is interviewing folk around the world to hear their experiences of lock down and I enjoyed contributing to that.


I hardly listen to the news these days.I find it too depressing . I think in the end we will all have to make our own decisions about which risks we are willing to take. I worry that like Brexit this pandemic is divisive  or at least the way it has been handled and reported.The rich still have more choices than the rest of us.The Government are not able to unite us ,  we the people ,don't feel safe in their hands.


On the bright side I have plenty flour, thanks to Andrew and Lucy and Marie. It was so good to see A&L in the flesh at my window. I was able to resist my natural inclination to hug them.

I made some cakes for my neighbour's birthday and some small cakes for my shopping tribe.


I enjoy my Zoom glass of wine with them and I enjoyed joining in a quiz with them one night last week.  We won :)
We had a great Zoom with Matthew Marie, Matthew Jeanne and Greg on Saturday afternoon, and when everyone left, Matthew Marie and I  carried on for another two hours. I am becoming used to Zoom  now.

I did my first Zoom supervision session this week and it went well.

I should be in Castalla now for my planned two months holiday. I feel sad I miss castlenel , the sunshine, my neighbours and the cafe's and shops along with my trips to see the Med.


Even though I know none of that is available over there now anyway.

I had two unexpected parcels this week, one from Taiwan and one from Ireland.

From Tailand my parcel was from Philip, it contained a mixture of things.

My favourite is a beautiful shawl  hat he bought in Thailand, a Taiwan tea towel, onion holder, makeup mirror, Winnie the pooh sox.

The Irish parcel was from my old friend Ruth in County Clare , she sent me two colourful masks that she made for me.

I feel the need to expand. I would love to get on a bus into town.A train to Glasgow Central, there is nothing like that feeling when I arrive at that station . A train to London and Cambridge I will certainly go to see the Angel of the North as soon as it is safe to do so.


All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.

May weekend!

Sunday May 3rd,


another week has passed and we are still in lockdown.

This week The Prime Minister is back at work . He has recovered from Covid 19  and is girlfriend has had a baby boy, he has been through a lot.

I am not confident that he is the right man for the job at this time, it is quite frightening when you look around the world at some of the leaders, it feels like it is the blind leading the blind.

I imagine that it would be good if there was more consultation going on ,a more co-ordinated approach.I hope there is behind the scenes. I think if we knew more we would feel better.As humans we like to feel in control even if it is just an illusion.

In the end we have to make up our own minds about when we feel it is safe to go out ,and where we choose to go.

I hear that some young people are finding lockdown hard and are going out anyway.  Some people feel annoyed as they are giving up their lifestyle for the elderly. I get that ;it must be hard ;if you don't think there is much chance of you getting the virus ,or if you do it will just be like flu.
Each of us is on our own journey through this .
We don't know what will happen when we do go out again ,or when pubs and theatres open.I imagine it will be trial and error.

I continue to have people pop past my window, I am so happy to be on the ground floor.

I have a folding chair and an umbrella by the window. I have flasks which are wiped down before and after each use,they are filled with tea or coffee.I wear my marigold gloves to bring in the shopping etc.

It can be quite festive a highlight of my day. This week a very big highlight was that Andrew came over to bring me his stand for my laptop, his keyboard and mouse. Which meant that I could try them out over the weekend and decide if I would like to have them to go with my laptop.

I have decided that I would like them . I won't hunch over so much with these additions.And I want to do more writing during this time maybe and after too .

I am listening to more Radio 3 again, the news is too alarming on Radio 4 too much analysis and it just creep up on me after a nice enjoyable programme.

I ordered and jigsaw for Andrew and Lucy a few weeks ago of Inveraray Castle, I got in on ebay it was only 5 dollars for the puzzle and £19 to have it delivered from America.

It looks great and will pass a few evenings for them.

I have my Zoom chats with the sisters on Monday afternoons, I have had a few with Gary and Sam too One with Matthew and Marie.

I send out emails to my students with ideas for homework and I still do a few telephone counselling sessions.

I had another marathon call with Susan this morning, almost 3 hours, what do we get to talk about :)

I have had a few shopping deliveries with fresh fruit vegetable and salad, great stuff I have had a big cook in which I enjoy doing, and I did a big bake in too mostly for Andrew and Lucy

I came across some writing that I did a few years back while John was in Marie Curie, it made disturbing reading and I cried a lot that day, that was such a tough time for me,  for all of us.

I think as we are hearing of so much death every day it stirs up deeper feelings and memories ;maybe in all of us; certainly for me.

This is a very difficult time for the world .We are all doing our best I am sure ; some days I feel optimistic and believe that all will be well, and other days I feel very frightened that I will end up in hospital unable to breathe ,or worse one of the children will.
I am glad Philip is in Taiwan for now as he has sarcoidosis - and I feel terrified when I think what might happen if he contracted the virus.

I think I might need to see the dentist , I don't know if they are open, what the procedure is.

I will call tomorrow and I might need to talk to the doctor too and I don't know what is happening there either. All things I normally take for granted, now I wonder how to get to the dentist ,as I usually go by bus or uber, both things I am not supposed to do at this time.

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well........and so it is.